Aindra’s first Disappearance Anniversary

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I am trying not to really pay too much attention to what happened just about 1 year ago today. All this time I was fucking around doing all sorts of crazy stuff in life, totally off the deep end. But Aindra Prabhu constantly remained seated in my heart and mind, always saying, “Hey, you can come to Vrindavana and stay here for a while and augment the kirtan with us.” I was always saying, “Yeah man! That is going to be so cool one day.” Then last year I got news that Aindra passed away.

There is no tomorrow. There is only today. There is nothing else important but tasting my eternal relationship to Sri Krsna which is so easily and fully available in Hari-Nama-Sankirtan. There is nothing else to desire or lament. I only desire deeper and more Nama-Sankirtana, I only lament my lack of the same.

Sankirtan… In that word the “San” part implies being involved with other people. When there are a lot of people doing the same thing – the power of that thing increases. Baseball games are more fun with a big enthusiastic crowd, concerts with 1 uninterested atendee are really depressing, but with a room packed full of sincere fans the place goes nuts almost before the first song starts. SAN-kirtan means having a crowd of people doing the Nama-kirtana.

Where will I find such a crowd of fans of Krsna-nama? Aindra is now no more. He has abandoned that identity and is someone else now, somewhere else. Is it possible to find him somewhere? Is it possible that others can play a similar role. Without Aindra Ji, where is the SAN in sankirtan? Aindra alone accounted for a Yankee Stadium full of enthusiastic devotees singing the names of Krsna. Now that he is gone, the stadium feels like a ghost town. Soda and beer is spilled all over the sticky stands, and paper garbage lazily blows across the neglected field. The temples are silent all day long, a tape recorder laments its constant overuse.

Dear Sri Krsna!!! Please send us again your devotees who are IN LOVE with your sweet names. Please put them in places and circumstances where they can loudly, sweetly and sincerely chant and sing and dance. And he Hari, please put me somewhere in range of the echoes of their voices.

Spiritually sad, as always it seems,

Dukhi Vraja Kishor dasa